The Killer In Me
by PJ XD
Summary: Lucius Malfoy has just become a fully-fledged Death Eater. Narcissa Black wants the truth from the man she loves... for once. Insight into the origins and feelings of one of the most misunderstood couples - the Malfoys. Rated for Language and Violence.
1. Lucius's Initiation

My foot splashed in a puddle and drenched my socks as I gave chase to the muggle man I was pursuing down this grimy, deserted street in London. I was desperate to catch this one. Desperate. I had been trying futilely for weeks. And now, finally, I was here. The right place at the right time.

"Lucius, wait!" Rabastan's footsteps rang out behind me, and contrarily I put on a burst of speed. I didn't want or need his help this time. Lestrange was good in a fight, but I wanted this one to be mine. I had never claimed one of my own, and the master was beginning to find my failure to kill a muggle without assistance amusing. I was only nineteen, and I knew how expendable I was. Yet I was hungry to prove my worth. I wanted to be like Bellatrix, Narcissa's older sister. The Dark Lord seemed to regard her as some sort of friend. He treated her with respect, perhaps even – though I would never suggest it to Rodolphus for fear of hurting his feelings immeasurably – affection? He was fond of her, at least in my opinion he seemed to be.

I wanted him to regard me as someone dependable and trustworthy. A reliable deputy. It wasn't too much to aim for. I just needed to work hard, and do some things that were... morally a grey area. Or in Narcissa's book, an area as black as night. She detested violence, although she did agree with the Dark Lord's views. Narcissa meant the world to me, but so did our cause.

"Lucius, slow down and wait for me!" Rabastan complained again. I ignored him. True, he was my closest friend, but he was always out to steal my glory. Even at school. He tried to steal Narcissa from me once when we first got together, but that didn't end too well for him. Or Narcissa's butterbeer bottle.

The muggle man stopped up ahead, finally realising that he'd ran into a dead-ended alleyway. I slowed my pace, pulling my wand from my pocket with a gleeful flourish. This was it. I was about to prove myself once and for all.

And then the muggle spoke. "P-please," he whimpered, cowering against the wall. "Please don't kill me. I'm begging you, please!"

I lowered my wand a fraction, guilt beginning to tingle at the corners of my mind.

The Dark Mark on my left arm itched; a reminder of the flag I was flying, the side I would be fighting on in the upcoming war when I was given the chance. I brought my wand up again.

The terror in the muggle's eyes was paramount. I felt wretched as I stared into his deathly white face, but I drew in a deep breath. He shook his head infinitesimally, a silent plea. My conscience burned like a poker in the centre of my chest. I wasn't cut out for this...

"Lucius, have you got him?" Rabastan bellowed, his voice not as far away now. I glanced again at the pitiful man, and then over my shoulder at Rabastan's fast approaching silhouette. If I didn't do this, I would have to explain to the master. He would laugh at me, calling me pathetic and weak, and then... My stomach lurched painfully. And then the Cruciatus curse would come. As it always did. The first time he tortured me, I cried. I was only just sixteen.

The determination flared in my mind again, and I jabbed my wand at the muggle again. He screwed his eyes up tightly, murmuring a prayer...

My free fist clenched, my heart ripping in agony. I had to do this. _Be strong enough, Lucius. Be powerful enough. Be worthy._

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I screamed. A jet of bright green light erupted from my wand and hit the muggle squarely in the chest. He crumpled to the wet ground in sickening slow motion, his eyes staring at the sky, glassy and blank.

I was numb. I stared down at the body lying at my feet, took in the finality of what I had just done, and felt nothing.

No remorse.

No pain.

No exhilaration.

No achievement.

No guilt.

Nothing at all.

Sighing, I turned back towards Rabastan, who had just caught up to me. He stood clutching his knees and wheezing breathlessly.

"Why... didn't... you... wait... for... me?" he panted.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to do this solo," I apologised without feeling. I wasn't really sorry. I didn't care. I looked at the body again, praying to feel something, but my prayer was not answered. Maybe murderer's prayers are always ignored.

"Fine... let's... go... back... to... the... Dark... Lord," he spluttered, straightening up. I stowed away my wand calmly and turned my back on the dead man in the alleyway.

I kept waiting for my emotions to kick in the whole journey back to Hogsmeade.

They never did.


	2. Narcissa's Discovery

_**Narcissa**_

_Lucius's initiation night..._

I was happy. For the first time in months I was genuinely ecstatic. And of course, Lucius had everything to do with that. Silly Cissy Black was finally being treated like an adult, and it was all because of whose arm linked with my own as we walked through the corridors of the Ministry. Nobody would question the judgement of _Lucius Malfoy_.

And yes, finally, I had succeeded in catching his attention. After years of inking his name onto my parchment and studying his every shift in movement when we were in the same room, we were finally a bona fide item, and I was on top of the world.

That was, until I heard him bustling about in the library of my large family estate. I knew it was him, because I heard a low oath and recognised the voice instantly. I had crept down the stairs, hoping to assist in any way possible, just eager to spend time with him.

At the foot of the stairs, I stopped dead.

"Lucius...?" I gasped, staring wide-eyed at the scene in front of me.

My boyfriend, the man I had worshipped obsessively since I was eleven years old, was covered from head to toe in blood and dirt. Spatters of deep crimson created intricate patterns on his shirt and were reflected in his troubled grey eyes by the light of the dwindling fire.

"Narcissa!" he cried softly, jumping backwards with the guiltiest look on his face I had ever seen. I just blinked at him, stunned. Repulsed was perhaps a more accurate description.

"Lucius, what happened to you?" I demanded, glaring at him in a mixture of trepidation and fear.

"Narcissa, I can explain..." he pleaded desperately.

My eyes narrowed. "I certainly hope so."

_

* * *

__Four Years Previously..._

"And then he told me that he'd missed seeing me, and he was just... Narcissa, are you even listening to a word I've said? I've been talking about Solomon Flint! And me! Why are you not more excited?" Callisto Selwyn pouted at me from across the Slytherin table as I sipped at my pumpkin juice with a glum expression. I glanced up.

"Huh?" I asked absently.

"Merlin, Narcissa, what's wrong with you?" Callisto shook her head.

"Sorry, Callie, I'm just... distracted. You were saying about Solomon?" I widened my eyes and forced myself to pay attention as Callisto launched into a long story about the Flint boy in our year, analyzing every move he had ever made and breaking it down into his exact motives and intentions.

Out of habit, my eyes scanned the Great Hall, skimming over every face on the Slytherin table. The one person I was searching for was still a no-show.

"Cissy!" A voice barked, and I jumped up guiltily. A girl in her late teens with dark, shining mahogany hair and eyes a deep rosewood glared down at me, her beautiful face wearing a disdainful expression.

"Y-yes, Bella?" I swallowed, mentally chastising myself for being so ridiculously afraid of my own sister.

"I have a question for you." She made it sound like she was about to accuse me of killing her hamster. I took a deep breath. _Okay, Narcissa, you just turned fourteen, and Bella is nearly eighteen. She won't hit you, so get a grip_. There.

"Okay?" It came across as a question. Not the confident start I had hoped for.

"Have you seen Andromeda today?" she demanded, and I paled. Yes, I most certainly had seen Andromeda today... kissing her mudblood boyfriend in an empty classroom. But I wasn't going to tell Bellatrix that.

"No, nowhere," I replied innocently, shaking my head slowly from side to side.

"For Salazar's sake!" she tutted, throwing her hands up in the air in a gesture that made me flinch.

"I'm sure she's around," I tried to appease her.

"Oh, yes, obviously!" Bella snorted, tossing her long hair behind her shoulder in a quick flick.

"Bella, calm down, I think..."

"Merlin, that girl is nowhere to be seen these days! Ugh!" She pursed her full lips, tapping on them with her index finger as she pondered something. "Here's an easier one. Where's Malfoy?"

I squeaked a little in protest. Bella's eyebrows shot up towards her hairline as she rapped her foot against the stone floor impatiently.

"M-Malfoy?" I faltered, already beginning to feel the inevitable blush creep up my cheeks and heat them alarmingly.

"Yes, Malfoy. Lucius. Tall kid, blond hair, self-involved, fifth year. Ring a bell?" Bella was deliberately talking in clipped, short sentences now. I didn't want to make her irritated. She wouldn't take too kindly to it.

"Oh... yeah... um... I don't know," I admitted in a whisper.

Bella scoffed so loudly that several people turned their heads to stare. "Please! If anyone in this damn school knows Malfoy's whereabouts at all times, it's you! You stalk him, don't you?"

My face burned. "No... Sshh! I- I don't..."

"Don't kid yourself," she sneered.

"I suppose he's probably..." I trailed off, my expression hardening slightly. "What do you want with him?"

Bella's face was completely incredulous. "And you think it's any of your business because...?"

I hung my head. I had absolutely no right to question her, of course. She could speak to whoever she wanted. But did it have to be Lucius...?

"I... it's none of my business, I should butt out."

Bella clapped her hands together once. "Excellent. Couldn't have put it better myself. Now, Malfoy would be...?"

"In the common room?" I suggested timidly, bracing myself for my sister to snap at me again.

I wasn't disappointed. She adopted a mocking, frosty look and said sarcastically, "You know, I would never have thought to check there! You should be an Auror!"

I pressed my lips together and said nothing, flinching once more when Bella snapped her fingers an inch from my nose.

"Narcissa! Suggest something that actually sounds like you have brain cells please! I know it's hard..."

I winced at the venom in her tone. "How about by the oak tree at the lake? He usually sits and reads under there on a nice day..."

"Wow, you really are a stalker. Thanks!" She reached across to pat me on the shoulder, and I suddenly noticed the stain on her hand. The deep red stain.

I seized her wrist so suddenly that she couldn't pull away, even though she was stronger and quicker than I was.

"What the...?"

"Bella, what is that on your hand?" I hissed, as she tried in vain to twist out of my grip.

"Get off me, Cissy!" she spat at me, attempting, this time successfully, to wrench her hand from my grip.

"Is that blood?" I demanded, my voice shrill.

She glared blackly at me, and I recoiled. "And so what if it is? What do you care?"

"I... Bella, that isn't your blood," I whispered, my voice hollow and frightened.

"Yeah. Your point?" she growled, backing away from me slightly, as though she were the one becoming skittish.

"You... you've been doing something for... for _Him_, haven't you?" I accused, my voice still barely audible. Bellatrix's colouring got a little greyer as she regarded me.

"So what?" she challenged. I had no answer, so I merely dropped my gaze to my shoes and chewed my lip.

"Is everything alright?" A pleasantly smooth, slightly haughty voice broke up our tense discussion. I jumped about a foot in the air as I recognised that voice.

"Ah, Malfoy, you're just the person I was looking for," Bella recovered swiftly, fixing him with a winning smile. I saw Lucius's eyes widen approvingly, and I seethed with jealousy. Of course he thought Bella was pretty. She was gorgeous. Nobody was immune to her charms, not even... Him. Or that's how it seemed to me, anyway.

"Bellatrix, how can I be of assistance?" he asked politely, and I swooned slightly at his well-mannered speech. Sometimes my hopelessness frustrated even myself.

"Well, I have a... message to pass on." Her expression darkened at the notion of being a messenger. She clearly did not like the idea.

"What is it?" he prompted.

"He wants you to meet him in Hogsmeade next weekend. You know where. It's important." Bella clucked her tongue impatiently.

"Tell him I'll be there, naturally."

"I'm telling him nothing else! You can just show up and he'll know. Do I look like an owl to you?" she snapped, and stormed away without further ado, leaving both of us staring perplexedly in her wake.

"She's a strange girl, your sister," Lucius said knowledgeably, and my gaze flickered back to him, the realisation suddenly sinking in that Lucius Malfoy was actually addressing me directly for the first time ever. Surprise, surprise, I blushed.

"Um..." I answered inadequately, feeling pathetic.

"I didn't mean to offend you Narcissa, sorry." His apology was unnecessary but sweet. I smiled at him as best I could, enjoying the way my name sounded in his voice, and he bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement. Then something inside me froze as I gazed into his handsome face.

"Are you alright?" he asked in alarm. "You've gone as white as a ghost."

"You... you... you're one of them, aren't you?" I whispered, fear surging through my veins.

"What are you talking about?" he frowned.

"You're a..." I lowered my voice and leaned towards him slightly so that nobody that could potentially be ear-wigging would hear. "You're a Death Eater."

I heard his sharp intake of breath, and it was all the conformation I needed.

"Narcissa... I..." His grey eyes were suddenly filled with panic. "Please don't tell," he begged. "Don't tell Dumbledore."

I narrowed my eyes. "Do you really think I would sell you out? My own sister is a Death Eater."

Lucius swallowed nervously, running a hand through his platinum hair.

"Well... thank you."

He shifted his weight, looking incredibly uncomfortable. I decided to give him an escape route.

"You can go and hang out with your friends now if you want to, you don't have to stay and talk to the silly third year. I promise I won't spill the Every Flavour Beans on you."

He nodded gratefully, and turned on his heel to sweep away down the table. Before he had even taken three steps in the opposite direction though, he turned towards me. "Narcissa?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for being trustworthy. Really."

I smiled wanly. "No problem."

But as he walked away, I knew I was lying to myself. Lucius was fifteen... he was too young to be caught up in that sort of thing. It was ridiculously dangerous, not to mention just... beastly. I would get in huge trouble if word got out that I knew.

Though there was a tiny selfish part of me that thought that maybe it was worth it. He _had_ smiled at me.

Yes, it was worth it.


	3. Never Getting Out

_**Lucius**_

"I certainly hope so." Narcissa's expression was not encouraging. In fact, everything about her demeanour made me feel like I'd be wise to run at a blinding speed in the opposite direction. I stayed put, however. I may have been a bit of a coward most of the time, but when it came to my girlfriend I would face the music. I owed her that much.

"Listen, Narcissa," I began, unsure of what I should actually say. What would she want to hear? The truth or a lie? I knew her too well to think that she would take kindly to a lie. It was really suicidal to lie to Narcissa. Not even when your intention was to protect her. Despite many people's preconceived notions about Cissy, she was not, nor has she ever been, stupid. Not in the slightest.

"I'm listening," she prompted when I said nothing. The way she stood, with her pale hands on her slender hips, it reminded me slightly of that blood-traitor Gryffindor prefect Molly Prewett whenever she used to catch me sneaking around the corridors at Hogwarts. Or... Molly Weasley now, apparently. Ugh. If ever there was a blood-traitor in need of a good cursing it was Arthur Weasley.

"Well..." I began, still undecided as to what I would say.

* * *

_Three Years Previously..._

"Lucius, you're gawping at her again." Evan Rosier's voice snapped me out of my daydream. I jerked my eyes away from Narcissa Black, forcing myself to focus on the Daily Prophet unfurled in front of me. I took a swig from my goblet of pumpkin juice, trying to maintain a dignified silence. Evan had other ideas though.

"So... you like her, huh?" he asked carelessly, contemplating his own newspaper as though it was absolutely riveting.

"Who?" I played dumb. It was normally the easiest way to avoid Rosier's questioning.

"Narcissa Black!" he sounded slightly impatient, as though he was an Auror forcing a confession out of me. I grinned to myself, watching as he abandoned all pretence of reading his newspaper.

"She's nice enough," I shrugged nonchalantly, downplaying my slightly obsessive crush on her perfectly. I even threw in a shrug for good measure.

"There must be something wrong with you, Lucius," he sighed. "You spend a whole lot of time holed up Merlin knows where with Bellatrix... _Bellatrix_ Black! And instead of making a move on her, which you really could, you decide to become obsessed with her shy little sister."

"Bellatrix is... not really all she's cracked up to be. And engaged. And _He_... well, but I am _not obsessed_ with Narcissa!"

"If you want one of the Black girls," he continued as though he had not heard me. "Why not Andromeda. She's pretty, she's in our year, she's..."

"A blood-traitor," I finished blithely. "And a Ravenclaw. And spoken for."

"Are the rumours true about her and Tonks then?" Evan seemed to perk up a bit. Honestly. I rolled my eyes towards the cloudy ceiling. He was worse than a girl sometimes, especially when it came to gossip.

I pursed my lips distastefully as I glanced over at the Ravenclaw table, my eyes burning a hole in the back of Andromeda Black's head.

"Yes, sickeningly," I replied. Evan snorted.

"Right, yeah. In that case, don't touch her with a bargepole."

I raised one eyebrow and smirked. "My point exactly." For some reason, my brain seemed completely unwilling to let the subject drop... or at least, the part that controlled my mouth didn't want to let it drop. "Even if I did want to get with a Black girl, I would have the choice between Narcissa, a filthy blood-traitor or a soon-to-be-Lestrange."

"Did someone say my name?" A voice asked cheerfully, and I glanced up to see my best friend, Rabastan Lestrange, standing over me with a wide grin on his face, shadowed by Eleanora Bulstrode. I slid along the bench to make room for the two to sit down.

"Hey, Rabastan. Hey, Ellie," Rosier and I chorused.

"Evan, Lucius," he answered coolly, and dropped into the vacant space. Ellie spared us a nod. "What were we talking about?" Rabastan leaned forward, already engrossed. I could sense that my friends were about to gang up on me.

"Your soon-to-be sister-in-law," Evan responded promptly.

"Ah, Bella," he sighed wistfully. "What about her?"

"Well, Lucius fancies her sister," Evan informed him, grinning mockingly in my direction.

"I don't!" I protested, annoyed. I hated it when they teased me about things that actually were true. It made me lose my carefully cultivated composure.

"Andromeda?" Rabastan offered, completely blanking my protests.

"Narcissa," Evan corrected.

"Fair enough," Rabastan shrugged.

"She's not as pretty as Bellatrix," Evan continued, raising his index finger as though he was voicing an objection. My teeth snapped shut audibly.

"She is," I countered, abruptly offended. Evan grinned in triumph, and turned to a chuckling Rabastan.

"See what I mean?"

The two continued to snicker for a while, and I turned my gaze from them, fighting the slight blush of embarrassment that threatened to betray me. Damn fair skin.

Eleanora caught my eye and smiled sympathetically. "I believe you, Lucius," she said simply.

"Only because you fancy him!" Rabastan spluttered mid-laugh, and Ellie turned beetroot red and clamped her jaw shut, staring at the table intently, as though the answers to a test were written on there. I averted my gaze to spare her some mortification. Ellie was very pretty, but I really didn't feel that way about her. She wasn't the type of girl I would find myself smiling at whenever I saw her smile, and she didn't draw my eye from a distance. Not like the girl I was pretending I couldn't care less about...

I glanced over at where she had been sitting again, and then realised I was staring at an empty seat. My heart sank a little. I had missed her leaving. I returned glumly to my paper, not really registering the fact that my friends had fallen completely silent.

"Um... Lucius?" A very quiet, very shy voice piped up from somewhere in the vicinity of my left ear. I jumped, my knees colliding with the underside of the table painfully, and splashing my pumpkin juice all over my newspaper. Evan and Rabastan sniggered, but hastily tried to disguise their laughs as hacking coughs when I glared at them. I turned to the person who had just spoken, and my eyes fell upon the pretty, fine-featured face of Narcissa Black. Her wide, sky-blue eyes were staring at me in a concerned way.

"Yes?" I asked sharply, feeling guilty when she blanched. "I mean, hi." I wanted to slap my head in exasperation. What was wrong with me?

"C-can I talk to you?" Narcissa faltered, looking up at me from under her long eyelashes in a timid way. She reminded me of a skittish baby rabbit.

"Of course," I answered smoothly, recovering myself slightly, and I swung my legs from under the bench and stood up in one fluid motion. I towered over Narcissa from this vantage point. It nearly hurt the muscles in my neck to strain down. The Malfoy genes had determined that I would have to look down on most people in a literal sense, as well as metaphorical.

Narcissa led the way along the Slytherin table and out of the open double-doors of the Great Hall. I followed on her heels, ignoring the outbreak of whispering from my friends.

"Narcissa?" I asked, the second we had slotted ourselves into an alcove in the Entrance Hall. She spun around to face me and sucked in a deep breath.

"I wanted to talk to you." Well, that much was obvious.

"About anything in particular?" I asked, half-hoping that she didn't really have a topic in mind, and all she wanted was my company. Dare to dream, Lucius.

"Yes, of course," Narcissa replied, looking incredibly confused. Now I sounded like an utter moron.

""Um... yeah... okay..." I hesitated, feeling ridiculous.

"Look," she began, two pink spots blossoming on her pale cheeks. "I promise I won't disturb you for long, I know you were eating breakfast."

"I don't mind," I replied vehemently. She smiled slightly, seeming a little more heartened.

"Well, Bella sent me an owl and asked me to pass on a message," she told me, shuffling one foot and staring at her own dainty ankle. I tried not to stare at her outstretched leg as well, but it took a lot of effort.

"Okay?" I prompted.

"She asked me to tell you that the D- Dar- that _He_ wanted to speak to you."

"Okay," I repeated, this time a little more quietly. I didn't like how even a beautiful, intelligent pureblood like Narcissa was afraid of the Dark Lord's name.

"And He'll meet you at the place beyond the Hog's Head," she continued.

"Okay." Was that all I was capable of saying?

"You can go now, if you want," she whispered, casting her eyes to the stone floor.

"I... okay," I muttered, positive that she didn't want to be around me any longer. I slid along the wall, being careful not to brush her skin with my own, but before I could fully emerge from the alcove, Narcissa's voice reeled me back in.

"L-Lucius?" she called. I stopped dead and retraced my steps to my original position.

"Yeah?" _Please say that you want to keep talking to me_.

"I'm worried about you," she confessed, her cheeks turning pink.

That sentence made me want to smile, though I wasn't entirely sure why. "You are?"

She shifted her weight uncomfortably, her eyes firmly fixated on her shoes. "My sister is heavily involved with the Dark Arts, Lucius. She's with _Him_, and she can never, ever get out now. But you could. It's really early for you, and He doesn't... please. Before it's too late." Her wide, innocent eyes flashed up towards mine, and they were pleading with me. I had to drop my gaze to rid myself of the sudden dizziness that overcame me.

"I can't, Narcissa. You must be able to sense that there's a war coming. You can't just sit on the fence. People have to pick sides, and I've chosen mine."

"You could get hurt," she whispered, and it almost sounded like the idea was horrible to her. If only.

"Maybe... maybe it's worth it. Some things are worth fighting for." I shrugged, and made the mistake of bringing my gaze up to meet hers again. Her eyes branded into mine.

"Nothing is worth your life, Lucius," she hissed. In anger, it was amazing how much she reminded me of Bellatrix.

"Okay, maybe not. But I'm careful. I won't get hurt." I said it with such conviction that it was almost impossible to doubt me.

Somehow, Narcissa managed it.

"You think you're ten-feet-tall and Kedavra proof, Lucius. You aren't. Don't get involved... you'll be killed."

She was in Slytherin. She was a Black! How could she be saying these things? How could she not want to fight? And how... how could I not want to anymore, now that I knew Narcissa disapproved? What was that girl doing to me?

I was desperate to convince her. "Would you rather the wizarding world was overpopulated with muggles and mudbloods and blood-traitors?" I challenged. She held my gaze steadily as she answered, with the last words that I would ever expect from the youngest Black.

"Yes." She paused for a moment before adding a qualification. "If it meant that you and Bella were safe." She gazed at the stone wall behind me with an agonized expression. I blanched, desperate to comfort her, and only just realising what she might have heard in my accusation.

"I didn't mean Andromeda..." I began, but she cut me off.

"So where do you draw the line?" she shot back.

I had no answer to her question.

"See?" she said softly. "In wars people die. Innocent people. Sometimes I wonder if that's the point." It seemed as though she was speaking more to herself than to me now. "Even... I could die."

My stomach lurched horribly at the idea. The prospect of sweet, innocent, pacifistic Narcissa dying... I repressed a shudder. It just didn't bear thinking about.

""I would never let that happen," I vowed fervently, all past attempts at nonchalance forgotten. Narcissa blushed at the intensity of my tone.

"Why would you care?" she wondered, and it didn't sound accusatory, merely curious.

"Because..." I searched desperately for a way to dig myself out of the hole I had burrowed with my words. "Because we're friends."

In spite of the magnitude of our conversation, I felt a thrill of hope as her eyes lit up.

"Really?" she asked incredulously.

"I'd like to be your friend. Even if I am a... a Death Eater." It was the first time I had admitted to my title, to being a member of the fearsome front to which I tenuously belonged. It sounded impressive, at least to me.

"I'd like that, too," she replied, smiling coyly at me.

"Good."

There was an awkward silence where we both stood just staring at each other, then Narcissa nodded towards the door we had just left from.

"I should..." she began.

"Yeah," I responded instantly.

"Callisto is waiting for me..." she explained.

"Of course, I mean... yeah..."

Narcissa sashayed past me on her way into the Great Hall. I smiled at her once more as she turned to glance back at me.

"See you around?" she asked.

"I'll talk to you later," I promised. She nodded, but didn't move forward another inch.

"Lucius... think about what I said... please."

I ducked my head obediently, and she slipped through the double doors once more. I was already counting the seconds until I saw her again. I grinned at my own pathetic thoughts. Evan was right, Narcissa was fast becoming my biggest obsession. I could think of worse things to fixate on.

Think about what I said... It echoed around after she'd gone in the doubtful places of my brain. I didn't want to let her down, but she was woefully mistaken if she thought I had the option of bowing out now. Once you were in, you were in, no matter how long you'd been there.

And I was never getting out alive.

**A/N: Hopefully if people that Have read my Scorpius/Rose fic read this stuff, they might be able to feel a little bit of sympathy for Lucius in these coming chapters.**

**Ciao!**


	4. Leaving A Mark

_**Narcissa**_

"Well..." he began, biting down on his lower lip. I hated to see this in Lucius. I hated it when he came to see me and I could smell burning on him, or I could taste blood in his mouth as he kissed me. I hated it when I ran my fingers along his left forearm and felt the smooth skin there, shuddering when I realised that it would soon be raised with the ugly tattoo that my sister so proudly sported; the true sign that a person belonged to the Death Eaters. The Dark Mark.

Their war was noble, as was their cause, but their means... of course wizards were better than muggles, but that didn't mean the muggles deserved to die. I was a vegetarian because I couldn't bear the idea of killing a cow, let alone a person. And magic or no magic, muggles were people. Inferior people, but people with thoughts and feelings and families just like us. It would break my heart to think of how many people my sister had torn away from their families. At least I could console myself with the knowledge that Lucius hadn't. He couldn't have. His forearm did not display the skull and snake that would mean he had stolen the life of another.

"Well?" I asked anxiously, not entirely sure that I wanted to hear another story about torturing a member of the Order of the Phoenix, or about giving another muggle a black eye. Thuggish behaviour was not something I liked to hear about, either. Not that Dumbledore's stooges didn't deserve what they got.

"Narcissa, I am so sorry... I didn't... I didn't want to burden you with this. With me. I wanted us to... this should have been different. Do you remember when we were still at Hogwarts, before we ever..." he swallowed, and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down visibly. "You told me... you asked me to get out. To try and get off the path I was on..."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Seeing Lucius so distressed, it made my eyes start to burn, as if tears were beginning to collect themselves in my eyelids.

"I'm sorry, Narcissa." His grey eyes were filled with a self-loathing that made me want to comfort him, to smooth the hair away from his forehead and assure him that everything was going to be alright. But I stayed still, too frightened by his pleading to do anything.

"Lucius, I know, I know you couldn't get out, you explained," I whispered hoarsely.

"But I kept getting pulled in _deeper_," he answered, stressing the last word and burying his head in his hands.

"What do you mean?" I begged him to tell me something, anything. The panic I was feeling was raising a lump in my throat.

Slowly, he began to roll up the left sleeve of his white shirt. I blanched, all the colour draining from my face as I held his stony gaze. I didn't want to see; I already knew what would be there. I already knew what he had done.

It was against everything I believed in, but as I gazed into his eyes, I knew I could never hate him for what he had done, or what he would do. I loved Lucius with all my heart.

It was with this thought that I forced myself to look down, to take in the red ink seared into his pale skin, to watch the skull and the snake as they leered up at me. A constant reminder of Him.

"I love you, Narcissa, and I'm sorry. I never meant for it to get this far."

I couldn't draw my eyes away from the symbol etched into his skin. The Dark Mark.

* * *

_Three Years Previously..._

Christmas in the Black household this year was a horrible affair, for no other reason than Andy had finally told our parents that, now that she was seventeen, she was moving out and marrying Ted Tonks.

Bella was furious. In fact, whatever Bella was feeling stretched far beyond fury. She was one year out of school, so she had no idea that Tonks and Andy had gone public with their relationship within the walls of Hogwarts and the protection of Hogsmeade, but she was fuming now that the unpleasant discovery had finally been made. Seeing Bella angry was always something that had terrified me, for as long as I could remember. She tended to throw things, and scream and send curses flying at the mirrors. She had been doing all of that and then some since she found out about this latest scandal.

It had been awful. Andy hadn't even been home for a full day before she had gotten in a fight with Mother about Ted, declaring that she loved him more than any obligations she had to our nobility, and that she was moving out, _to hell with what her elitist family thought_. I had cried for six hours after she left. Bella had raged hurricane-like for six days.

And now it was a fairly miserable Christmas Eve.

We were nestled around the fire, Mother, Father, Bella and I. It was one of the rare moments when the four of us were in synch since Andy began to distance herself from us. We were just quietly talking, my head in Bella's lap and her stroking my hair, when the doorbell rang out suddenly, making us all jump.

"Andy?" I cried out hopefully, just praying my sister might have come to her senses and decided to return.

"We can only hope," Bella muttered, stroking her wand threateningly.

"Get the door, Bellatrix," Father instructed in his dreadfully commanding way. Bella huffed and clambered to her feet, stalking towards the door as though she would dearly love nothing more than to murder whoever was standing on the other side of it.

She threw it open wide, and her expression transformed into one of ecstasy almost instantaneously. There was only one person in the world that could make Bella look like that. My blood ran cold.

"Good evening, Bella." The high, cold voice of the Dark Lord rang out through the foyer, and I repressed a shudder. Not again.

"Good evening, my Lord," Bella gushed.

I didn't know why she became so excited whenever she saw him. He was one wizard who scared me to death.

Bella returned to the sitting room, accompanied by two tall figures in long black cloaks. The first drew his hood down instantly, and I recognised with a thrill of fear the pale, exceedingly handsome features of the Dark Lord, his dark eyes sweeping across the room as a lazy smile stole its way across his face.

"Druella, your home is beautiful," he said politely. "Forgive the intrusion, Cygnus, but I just wanted to convey to you and your family a Merry Christmas... particularly to my young Bella here."

Bella blushed furiously at his sentiment. I resisted rolling my eyes, but it was a close call.

"Anyway, I hope this is okay with you both." He gave a nod to my parents. _Like they would ever disagree_, I thought sourly. _Like you'd give them the option_.

His dark eyes flashed to me, and a smirk played about his lips, reminding me irresistibly of Lucius. His smirk grew wider. I suppressed a shudder again as I stared into his deep brown eyes. It was as though he could tell exactly what I was thinking... like he could see into my soul...

"Who is your companion, my Lord?" Bella asked breathlessly. My parents and I froze, completely astounded that Bella had the audacity to ask him a direct question in such an impertinent way. Surely she would be punished...

Instead, the Dark Lord laughed carelessly, sending shivers down my spine. He gazed seriously into Bella's eyes.

"Do you really want to know, hmm?" he murmured, his voice as soft as a feather.

"Yes, master," Bella replied reverently.

"Are you sure? It may frighten you..." he purred, and Bella blushed once more under the intimacy of his gaze.

"Nothing frightens me, my Lord... apart from you..." The way she spoke to him made me nauseous. It was like she was in love with him or something.

He chuckled chillingly. "You have nothing to fear from me, my Bella... for the meantime."

"No, master," she replied sycophantically. He took her hand in his and traced something on her forearm softly with his long, pale index finger, murmuring something I couldn't quite hear to my sister. Her eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree as she listened to what he had to say, and he had a slight smile on his flawless face. I realised, with a slight shiver of revulsion, that he was tracing the patterns of her Dark Mark.

They stared at each other, completely oblivious to their audience for a moment, until the Dark Lord seemed to become aware of the other occupants of the room. He diverted his gaze swiftly to the other side of the room, and it was as though Bella was released from some sort of vice.

"Anyway," he began in a bored drawl, "It is merely Lucius."

My heart faltered a little at the name, and I was sure that the Dark Lord heard it from the way his eyes flickered quickly to mine, then back to the hooded figure.

"Lucius, dear me, are you going to hide your face under your travelling cloak now that Cygnus and Druella have so graciously invited us into their home? How very rude of you..." His tone was mocking, but in a way that made me think that he was merely teasing him. The sparkle in his eye told me that the Dark Lord liked Lucius. Perhaps he didn't have quite the same regard for him as he had for Bella, but...

Lucius raised his pale hands and slid back his hood, to reveal his rain-darkened tangle of silvery blonde hair, his customary smirk already in place. Why was his hair wet if he had been wearing a hood?

"My apologies to you all for my rudeness," he said quietly, and his deep baritone made my heart stutter again. The Dark Lord pressed his lips together, as though he was fighting the desire to laugh. I was _positive_ he had heard this time.

"That's quite alright, dear," Mother dismissed, seeming far more charming now than she ever usually was.

"You're Abraxas Malfoy's boy?" My father asked, his eyes raking over Lucius's tall frame approvingly. I could tell he was sizing Lucius up as a potential suitor for one of us. It couldn't be Bella, surely, seeing as she already had a fiancé. So... me? No, he was probably thinking of Andy, when she came to her senses. Not that Lucius would ever marry me anyway.

"Yes, sir," Lucius responded politely.

"Excellent chap, is Abraxas. Good pure-blooded wizard. You're from decent stock, I assume?" Father grilled. Lucius smiled sheepishly, seeming to also guess my father's intentions.

"Yes, sir. I'm pure-blooded, six foot one, blond hair, grey eyes, seventeen years old, a Slytherin, I passed my apparition test first time and I'm a second circle Death Eater. Is that enough information?"

The Dark Lord, Bella and I all burst out laughing at his fact file. Even my mother cracked a smile. My father honestly didn't see the joke. He merely nodded his head, the picture of seriousness, and muttered to himself.

"Have you met my Narcissa?" he asked shamelessly, and Lucius laughed gently as I turned a boiling scarlet.

"Father!" I hissed, mortified as I felt everyone grinning at me.

"Yes, I believe we've ran into each other once or twice," he answered politely, catching my eye and winking. Bella smiled appreciatively.

"Then I suppose you wouldn't mind keeping her company whilst I speak with Bella and her parents, Lucius?" The Dark Lord turned towards his protégé with a lazy grin. Lucius nodded in silent acceptance.

"If you could take Lucius into the library, dear," Mother requested, although it was more of a sugar-coated order. Well, that was me dismissed.

One glance at Lucius showed that he seemed to be thinking the same thing. We smiled simultaneously.

"It's this way," I mumbled, gesturing in the direction of the foyer. Lucius nodded and swept from the room, me stepping on his shadow as I made my own way out. "Just up to the left," I instructed.

"Where? Up the stairs?" he called over his shoulder to me.

"No, that door there," I replied, pointing to the door in question. Lucius started towards the staircase, and was three steps up before I noticed what he was doing. "Luc-"

He turned to me and placed a finger softly on his lips, warning me to be quiet. He then jerked his head backwards, as if to say, _up here_. After frowning confusedly at him for a few seconds, I quietly tiptoed towards the stairs and began to climb up behind him.

When we reached the landing, he turned to me and whispered, "Which way is your room?"

My eyes widened, and I was glad he couldn't see my face. I recovered myself as quickly as I could, and gestured to the left. "The last door," I whispered back.

Lucius crept along the corridor to my bedroom door, twisting the handle, inlaid with a serpent like the others in the house. I slipped into my room after him, grateful that I had bothered to tidy up this morning. He looked around at the vomit-inducing girlyness that was my bedroom and raised one eyebrow at me.

"Nice," he said, with only the barest hint of sarcasm. I stared woefully at my pink chiffon drapes.

"I know, it's awful."

"No, really, I like it. It's very... you."

I cringed. So all he thought of me was that I was a ridiculously fluffy child. Terrific.

"Have I offended you?" he asked, seemingly chagrined. "I don't know what I've said, but I'm sorry, whatever it is." He smirked.

"You just... is that what you think I'm like? All fluffy and pink and brainless?" I had blurted out the question without pausing to think about it. He smiled wryly.

"That wasn't exactly what I meant. When I said it was you, I meant because it's so... presentable, and feminine and... harmless."

"Harmless?" I puzzled over his choice of words.

"It's kind of comfortingly sweet. Which is like you... its pretty," he decided, staring straight into my eyes. I felt a blush creeping up my neck under the scrutiny of his gaze.

"Um... thanks?"

He laughed freely, before striding over to my bed and sprawling out on his back across it. The amount of times I had wished on all my lucky stars that Lucius would be in my room... and now he actually was. It was surreal, to say the least.

"So... Narcissa..." he dragged my name out, but I loved the way it sounded in his voice.

"So what?" I asked.

"Your dad wants to marry you off to me, huh?" He grinned at me upside-down.

I blushed. "Ignore him," I pleaded.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked wickedly, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. My heart began to thud a little louder.

"I..." I had no idea what to say, so I just shut my mouth.

"See, I think your dad might be onto something," Lucius said boldly, pushing himself into a sitting position. Although he was sitting down and I was standing up, I was only about a head taller than him.

"Huh?" I murmured breathlessly, reminding myself of Bellatrix when she was speaking to the Dark Lord.

"Well, the idea of me and you... it's not a terrible one, is it?" he asked, leaning forward to grasp my hand and tow me towards him a little. I could barely breathe.

"Lucius, are you drunk?" I whispered, hoping that the answer was a resounding no. He laughed again, and this time I felt his sweet and alcohol-free breath wash across my face.

"No. Sober as a judge. Why would you think that?" he murmured directly into my ear. I shivered slightly as his breath whispered across my skin.

"Because you're being really... unlike you."

Lucius smiled. "It's Christmas, Narcissa. Lighten up," he pointed his wand out in between up and murmured something incoherent. A sprig of something blossomed from the tip of his wand, but he snatched it before I could properly see. He held it up high above our heads, and I figured out what it was as I glanced upwards.

"Mistletoe," I breathed, smiling widely.

"Yup," he agreed.

"You know, it might be infested with Nargles," I joked, remembering something that Xenophilius Lovegood once told me in Herbology. Lucius frowned.

"Eh?"

"Never mind," I dismissed, giggling giddily to myself. "I just..."

My words were cut off as Lucius's lips connected softly with mine, and my eyes flew open in shock, before fluttering closed. As my lips began to move in tandem with his, I felt my heart beginning to hiccup in a way that gave me head rush. I had imagined this a thousand times, but this kiss, our tongues dancing together, it wasn't what I had imagined it would be.

It was a million times better.

Lucius pulled away tantalizingly slowly, gazing into my eyes, his own steely grey ones smouldering in the lamplight.

"Merry Christmas, Narcissa," he whispered, before pressing his lips to mine once more.


End file.
